The past couple of days I have been a lot of things. I have been tired, bored, uninspired, inspired. I have had a few very typical, ordinary days. I have also been happy. A real deep, life-can't-get-me-down kind of happiness. There was a time where this would not have been surprising for me, but the past few months I've been dealing with a depression of sorts, a frustration with things in my life. For some reason I have now come through the other side.
Nothing has really changed, except for my attitude, and it's amazing the difference that can make. Like I said when I started this blog, I want to focus on the good things in my life, the haves, versus the have-nots. What with Thanksgiving having occurred recently I thought I would make a list of things I was thankful for, things that make me happy here and now so that I can have a record of those things to reflect on should life start getting me down again. Here goes.
1. Faith Recent world events, conversations I've had and simple observations I've made about the world around me have made me so grateful to have the gift of faith. I know in my heart that I have a loving Father who is working all things together for my good, and the older I get, the more I experience, the more I realize just how precious and wonderful that is. I also know that despite the fact that I am *far* from perfect, He loves me anyways. That's pretty awesome.
2. Family I have two parents that love me, and three siblings that love me. Seeing what I see in healthcare, I know that that alone is an amazing gift. What's even better is that I love them back. The past few years have allowed me to develop strong, meaningful relationships with all of my siblings. I consider all three of them my friends and for that I will always be grateful. I have also reached that all important age where I have gotten beyond the simple parent/child relationship with my parents and connect more with them then I ever have before. Of course moving out a couple of years ago helped that a bit. ;)
3. Friends Over the years I have collected some wonderful friends. I have the tried and true best friend. The one who sticks with you no matter how many fights or misunderstandings you may have had over the years. The one who you always know, if you needed her, *really* needed her, she would be there. I've got the high school friends. The ones that you connect with, fall away from, and reconnect with over the years. The ones that you will always be able to say "remember when?" and you are sure to be able to reminisce with for awhile. I've got the university friends. The ones where you count the years you've known them on your fingers and go, surely I've known them longer then that! It feels like you have been close for a lifetime....and that's a really good thing. There are countless others too....the "Facebook" friends. People you know from church, from various workplaces throughout the years, even friendships formed on whirlwind trips through Europe!! You may not speak daily, weekly or even monthly, but they are out there, and they care about you in some way, and that's enough.
4. My Job This one is a bit of a surprise even to me, since this is also the cause of much of my stress! Despite that, no matter how many ulcers nursing gives me, it is still the career I've chosen and there is a reason for that. No matter how many days I have where I just want to leave that hospital and never come back, there is always something that pulls me out of the darkest hole I may get into. A patient, a family member of a patient or a co-worker, someone who reminds me that there are still parts of this job that I love. Even the stress I have had from this job has been a good thing as it has made me realize that I am not my job. I could walk away from nursing any day that I like and something about that is really comforting. I will be surprised if I ever reach the 20 or 30 year mark in my nursing career. I really don't think that's going to happen, but the really good thing is that I have finally realized that that is okay!!
5. Myself I don't know if that's the best way to put it, but I have become more and more thankful (and happy with) who I am. My obsession with TV shows, my admitted Internet addiction, my hobbies (particularly a still-growing interest in photography!), my quirky personality traits, my phobias, even my wants and desires. My good, my bad and my ugly. I am starting to see and understand the various things that make me me. I still have a lot further to go with this of course, but come on, this is the stuff people pay therapists thousands of dollars to understand! As a female (particularly as a teenager) i think we are often tempted to conform, to fit into someone's predetermined box or idea of what we should be, but I'm starting to realize that it is far more important to understand who you are, and who God made you to be. Every day I'm getting a little closer. :)
I could probably list a lot more things then this, and make this post a lot longer then it is, but I won't. It's just nice to see some of these thoughts in writing. Even though there are many things that I still long and hope for, this serves as a reminder that the here and now is actually pretty great when I really look at things so there is really no reason not to expect that the future will also be pretty awesome. God provides. :)
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
On this day...
On this day in 2001 I was a week shy of my 15th birthday. I was a couple of weeks into Grade 10. I thought I was starting to get things figured out.
On this day in 2001 I stood next to my parents, watching live coverage of the first World Trade Tower burning. I stood with open mouth, in shock as I watched a second plane turn around and aim, then hit the second tower. With a heavy heart, I thought of the fallen.
On this day in 2001 I saw teachers, visibly frightened, escort us into the gym to watch coverage of the days events. We prayed together, we prayed so hard.
On this day in 2001 I realized that I had nothing figured out.
On this week in 2010 I visited New York City. I saw it's landmarks. I fell in love. On this week in 2010 I became part of the hustle and bustle of the streets of Manhattan. I witnessed, in awe, the number of people, daily on the streets of Manhattan and realized, like never before, the sheer magnitude of how many people must have been affected by the events of 9/11. On this week in 2010 I visited the former site of the World Trade Center. I witnessed, with joy, the rebuilding of the site and the strength and resolve of the people of New York City. I visited the preview site of the WTC memorial. Never before and never since have I been in a building of that size, with that many people that was that quiet. With a heavy heart, I remembered the fallen. On this week in 2010 I visited St. Paul's Chapel, an Episcopalian church across the street from the former World Trade Center that did not even suffer a broken window. I prayed, I prayed so hard.
On this day in 2011 I look back with awe on the events of 10 years ago. I watch television coverage of memorials, not only in New York, but in Virginia and Pennsylvania, Washington and all across the world. On this day in 2011 I look with pride at the small Canadian town of Gander Newfoundland which gained so much notoriety for their amazing acts of hospitality for the thousands of displaced travelers. With a heavy heart I remember the fallen.
And I pray, I pray so hard.
On this week in 2010 I visited New York City. I saw it's landmarks. I fell in love. On this week in 2010 I became part of the hustle and bustle of the streets of Manhattan. I witnessed, in awe, the number of people, daily on the streets of Manhattan and realized, like never before, the sheer magnitude of how many people must have been affected by the events of 9/11. On this week in 2010 I visited the former site of the World Trade Center. I witnessed, with joy, the rebuilding of the site and the strength and resolve of the people of New York City. I visited the preview site of the WTC memorial. Never before and never since have I been in a building of that size, with that many people that was that quiet. With a heavy heart, I remembered the fallen. On this week in 2010 I visited St. Paul's Chapel, an Episcopalian church across the street from the former World Trade Center that did not even suffer a broken window. I prayed, I prayed so hard.
On this day in 2011 I look back with awe on the events of 10 years ago. I watch television coverage of memorials, not only in New York, but in Virginia and Pennsylvania, Washington and all across the world. On this day in 2011 I look with pride at the small Canadian town of Gander Newfoundland which gained so much notoriety for their amazing acts of hospitality for the thousands of displaced travelers. With a heavy heart I remember the fallen.
And I pray, I pray so hard.
Monday, August 15, 2011
I Heart Faces - Beautiful Eyes
When I saw the theme for this week's I Heart Faces I knew exactly which photo I wanted to enter! Sweet Alexa and her rainbow coloured eyes....and if you look real close you can see me reflected in those sweet "windows to the soul!"
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Just some pretties for a Saturday evening....
Since I began my foray into photography I have been more fascinated with getting a good shot of a person, rather than of a thing. Of course that doesn't mean I don't like a good photo of something pretty now and again! Here's a few from a walk I took in Assiniboine Park last week....playing with a wide aperture!
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| Pretty Daisies! |
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| "Schoolgirl" by Leo Mol |
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| I don't know what these little white flowers are, but they reminded me of something I saw in Switzerland...so pretty! |
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Once more, with feeling!
Look, look! Two posts in two days!! See I DO remember how do do this blogging thing.
So today I would just like to say, I *LOVE* musical theater. Like, a lot. The cheesier the better.
I'm not really sure when this started to be honest with you. My first exposure to theater would have been some mediocre Gilbert & Sullivan productions at ICS, and one or two plays that I went to with Laura when Premier gave discounted tickets to the G&S productions that happened at the Concert Hall (I think?). Of course, there was also the "Newsies," the cheesy Disney musical that I think might have been shown at every 12th birthday party for awhile, as well as other movie classics like "The Sound of Music". When I got a bit older I got introduced to the racier side of musicals, with "Chicago" and "Rent," things we could never dream of seeing, let alone performing, in our school.
I guess it was a slow development. I started to appreciate the nuances of theater, the history of old movies (not just musicals) and then I went to Broadway. I saw "The Lion King" and was officially hooked. If we had the time (and the money!) I think I would have quite happily have seen every Broadway, off-Broadway, and maybe even off-off-Broadway production while Darryl and I were in New York. There is something about a soaring voice, a blasting band, and maybe some dancing that just makes me happy! Add some jazz hands and I'm on cloud nine.
Over the past year or so I have watched more musicals on TV, and have even seen one or two in person. Watching "White Christmas" in December with Darryl at the MTC was awesome! While Darryl cringed at the silly dance numbers and actors randomly breaking into song, my smile grew bigger with each coordinated dance move. The louder and more ridiculous it got, the happier I was!
Sunday night after work I turned the TV on and was pleased to find that the Tony Awards were on. Most of it was fairly dull, as award shows typically are, but I loved the re-enactments of numbers from various musicals. It had been a busy and crazy day, I had gotten home from work late, but none of that mattered when I watched the actors sing and dance. Tonight I went to Famous Players to watch a filmed version of "Company," a musical by the renowned Stephen Sondheim. It was silly and absurd, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait to experience more!
So today I would just like to say, I *LOVE* musical theater. Like, a lot. The cheesier the better.
I'm not really sure when this started to be honest with you. My first exposure to theater would have been some mediocre Gilbert & Sullivan productions at ICS, and one or two plays that I went to with Laura when Premier gave discounted tickets to the G&S productions that happened at the Concert Hall (I think?). Of course, there was also the "Newsies," the cheesy Disney musical that I think might have been shown at every 12th birthday party for awhile, as well as other movie classics like "The Sound of Music". When I got a bit older I got introduced to the racier side of musicals, with "Chicago" and "Rent," things we could never dream of seeing, let alone performing, in our school.
I guess it was a slow development. I started to appreciate the nuances of theater, the history of old movies (not just musicals) and then I went to Broadway. I saw "The Lion King" and was officially hooked. If we had the time (and the money!) I think I would have quite happily have seen every Broadway, off-Broadway, and maybe even off-off-Broadway production while Darryl and I were in New York. There is something about a soaring voice, a blasting band, and maybe some dancing that just makes me happy! Add some jazz hands and I'm on cloud nine.
Over the past year or so I have watched more musicals on TV, and have even seen one or two in person. Watching "White Christmas" in December with Darryl at the MTC was awesome! While Darryl cringed at the silly dance numbers and actors randomly breaking into song, my smile grew bigger with each coordinated dance move. The louder and more ridiculous it got, the happier I was!
Sunday night after work I turned the TV on and was pleased to find that the Tony Awards were on. Most of it was fairly dull, as award shows typically are, but I loved the re-enactments of numbers from various musicals. It had been a busy and crazy day, I had gotten home from work late, but none of that mattered when I watched the actors sing and dance. Tonight I went to Famous Players to watch a filmed version of "Company," a musical by the renowned Stephen Sondheim. It was silly and absurd, and I loved every minute of it. I can't wait to experience more!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Finding my Focus...
*cough cough*
Pardon me as I blow the dust of my poor abandoned blog. I've had a few times where I started to compose a post for here, whether on the computer or just in my head in the shower (where I find myself doing most of my thinking) and found I could barely finish a sentence, let alone a blog post. Lately my head has mostly been an uncoordinated jumble of thoughts, ranging from positive and exciting (I spent a week and a bit in Europe, so that was pretty cool), to the negative and not so exciting (mostly work stuff).
The negative thoughts, unfortunately, are the ones that aren't so easy to get rid of, so I've been a little leery to sit down at my blog, not wanting this to be super whiny or negative. This is supposed to be "My Pile of Good Things" after all. So why write this post now? Mostly for catharsis. I won't deny that I'm going through a bit of a mid-(twenties)-life crisis, but the one thing I remain powerfully aware of is that my life is full of good things. As much as there are things in my life that I find stressful and somewhat depressing, I have watched over the last month as friends have been dealing with far worse - from losing friends to losing the life growing within them. I am also reminded every day when I go to work how truly fragile life is - I have had patients with history of sexual abuse, to patients nearly losing their lives while trying to bring their child into this world (and that's just this past weekend!).
Okay so where's the positive in all this? That's why I've been trying to remember. The hugs from patients as they walk out the door. The sincere "Thank you's" from terrified fathers, and exhausted mothers. My co-workers. They make the days at work bearable. It's the things I fill my life with OUTSIDE of work, however, that give me joy. My photography has recently been a huge source of joy for me. And yet, at the same time, a huge source of stress. A good stress though, the kind where you are truly being challenged and the effort that you put in has a real, tangible payout. I've always longed for a creative outlet in my life. I'm not a hugely creative person, and I'm also kind of lazy. I realize now though, that the abandoned scrapbook pages that sit on my desk, and the abandoned cross-stitches that sit beside my chair in the living room are there because I was searching for something I could really pour my heart into. I think I've found that in photography. I say I *think* because I'm very aware that I am very new to this craft. One thing I know with certainty is that it has been a LONG time since I have found something I am actually this invested in, this interested in, and have this much desire to better myself in.
What else gives me joy? The people I fill my life with. My friends who I sadly don't see enough of, but treasure when I do get to see them. My family, who I am blessed to see LOTS of (and the older I get, the more I realize how much of a blessing that truly is). A church family who accepts me, flaws and all. A loving God who accepts me flaws and all!! All 202 Facebook friends who have all touched my life in various ways and in various degrees but without whom I don't think I would be me! Silly TV shows, singing along to a great song at the top of my lungs driving down the highway, talking to myself, chair dancing in front of my computer (yep, I'm doing it right now), sitting alone in a dark movie theater losing myself in a big bag of popcorn and a really good movie, a really good book, a really good cry, this kid, enjoying junk food when I really know I shouldn't, and way more things then I can even think of right now!!
It shouldn't be this hard to remember the good things in life, but some days it is. When your day grows dark, count your blessings. It's amazing how much it can brighten your day!
Two other things to brighten your day...they certainly brighten mine!!
Pardon me as I blow the dust of my poor abandoned blog. I've had a few times where I started to compose a post for here, whether on the computer or just in my head in the shower (where I find myself doing most of my thinking) and found I could barely finish a sentence, let alone a blog post. Lately my head has mostly been an uncoordinated jumble of thoughts, ranging from positive and exciting (I spent a week and a bit in Europe, so that was pretty cool), to the negative and not so exciting (mostly work stuff).
The negative thoughts, unfortunately, are the ones that aren't so easy to get rid of, so I've been a little leery to sit down at my blog, not wanting this to be super whiny or negative. This is supposed to be "My Pile of Good Things" after all. So why write this post now? Mostly for catharsis. I won't deny that I'm going through a bit of a mid-(twenties)-life crisis, but the one thing I remain powerfully aware of is that my life is full of good things. As much as there are things in my life that I find stressful and somewhat depressing, I have watched over the last month as friends have been dealing with far worse - from losing friends to losing the life growing within them. I am also reminded every day when I go to work how truly fragile life is - I have had patients with history of sexual abuse, to patients nearly losing their lives while trying to bring their child into this world (and that's just this past weekend!).
Okay so where's the positive in all this? That's why I've been trying to remember. The hugs from patients as they walk out the door. The sincere "Thank you's" from terrified fathers, and exhausted mothers. My co-workers. They make the days at work bearable. It's the things I fill my life with OUTSIDE of work, however, that give me joy. My photography has recently been a huge source of joy for me. And yet, at the same time, a huge source of stress. A good stress though, the kind where you are truly being challenged and the effort that you put in has a real, tangible payout. I've always longed for a creative outlet in my life. I'm not a hugely creative person, and I'm also kind of lazy. I realize now though, that the abandoned scrapbook pages that sit on my desk, and the abandoned cross-stitches that sit beside my chair in the living room are there because I was searching for something I could really pour my heart into. I think I've found that in photography. I say I *think* because I'm very aware that I am very new to this craft. One thing I know with certainty is that it has been a LONG time since I have found something I am actually this invested in, this interested in, and have this much desire to better myself in.
What else gives me joy? The people I fill my life with. My friends who I sadly don't see enough of, but treasure when I do get to see them. My family, who I am blessed to see LOTS of (and the older I get, the more I realize how much of a blessing that truly is). A church family who accepts me, flaws and all. A loving God who accepts me flaws and all!! All 202 Facebook friends who have all touched my life in various ways and in various degrees but without whom I don't think I would be me! Silly TV shows, singing along to a great song at the top of my lungs driving down the highway, talking to myself, chair dancing in front of my computer (yep, I'm doing it right now), sitting alone in a dark movie theater losing myself in a big bag of popcorn and a really good movie, a really good book, a really good cry, this kid, enjoying junk food when I really know I shouldn't, and way more things then I can even think of right now!!
It shouldn't be this hard to remember the good things in life, but some days it is. When your day grows dark, count your blessings. It's amazing how much it can brighten your day!
Two other things to brighten your day...they certainly brighten mine!!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Retailers hate me...
I interrupt this blog (which lately has been a smattering of adorable pictures of Nik and Alexa) with a rant. It is spring (well, almost) and I find myself once again looking to revitalize my wardrobe. This is never an easy task for me. I am usually quite happy with my appearance. I would love if I could magically lose a roll or two from my belly, and some extra padding from around my face and chin, but overall, when I look in the mirror I think, hey, not bad. That's probably more than most women can say. Considering I'm overweight that's even better.
The fact that I'm overweight is where the problem comes in though. I wear a size 20 in pants and shorts, and a 1X or 2X in tops, depending on the brand, style and fit. For reasons that I don't understand however, it is nearly impossible for me to find clothes when I want to. Being a plus-size woman, I'm limited to a handful of stores, most filled with shapeless tops that are not age-appropriate in the least, nevermind EXPENSIVE! I understand that plus-size clothes are a niche market, and I do expect to pay more for my clothes. Unlike a thinner woman who might be able to luck out and score $10 sale pair of jeans, or even $20 jeans regular price, I consider myself lucky when I can find $35 jeans. Some of the prices are ridiculous though! At a plus-size store it is not unusual to find tops marked at $50 or $60 and jeans marked as high as $90. Is that REALLY necessary? The sad thing is, I would be willing to pay that if they actually fit!
Well just lose weight some people might think. Yeah. That's definitely part of the solution, but I am not destined to be on "The Biggest Loser" or on the front of some women's magazine. I will never drop from a 20 to a size 6... unless you shave some bone off my shoulders, ribs and hips. Could I drop a few pant sizes? Definitely. But I'll tell you a little secret. Many overweight people are emotional eaters. I know I am. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, sometimes I just eat when I'm bored. It's definitely an issue that I have to work on, and I will be working on probably my whole life. Here's the rub though....filling the stores with clothes that overweight people look terrible in is NOT going to help them. It will likely make them feel fat and depressed, and go home to a comforting bowl of triple chocolate ice cream.
What I find even more frustrating is that I know it's possible to make clothes that are actually flattering. The good ol' US of A has more stores selling plus-size clothes, and as a result there actually appears to be a bit of competition resulting in cheaper, cuter and better quality clothing. Canada is not that far away. While Canada probably has a slightly slimmer population, there are definitely tons (heh...tons) of overweight women searching for decent clothes! Why can't they come here?
Ugh... well there won't be a solution overnight, and the more I think about it, the more I want to eat M&Ms so I guess I should move on. In the meantime I will dream of a day when I can leave my house and buy clothes within a 20 minute drive of my door, while planning a trip to Grand Forks where they actually have stores that love me. Or at least don't hate me. :)
The fact that I'm overweight is where the problem comes in though. I wear a size 20 in pants and shorts, and a 1X or 2X in tops, depending on the brand, style and fit. For reasons that I don't understand however, it is nearly impossible for me to find clothes when I want to. Being a plus-size woman, I'm limited to a handful of stores, most filled with shapeless tops that are not age-appropriate in the least, nevermind EXPENSIVE! I understand that plus-size clothes are a niche market, and I do expect to pay more for my clothes. Unlike a thinner woman who might be able to luck out and score $10 sale pair of jeans, or even $20 jeans regular price, I consider myself lucky when I can find $35 jeans. Some of the prices are ridiculous though! At a plus-size store it is not unusual to find tops marked at $50 or $60 and jeans marked as high as $90. Is that REALLY necessary? The sad thing is, I would be willing to pay that if they actually fit!
Well just lose weight some people might think. Yeah. That's definitely part of the solution, but I am not destined to be on "The Biggest Loser" or on the front of some women's magazine. I will never drop from a 20 to a size 6... unless you shave some bone off my shoulders, ribs and hips. Could I drop a few pant sizes? Definitely. But I'll tell you a little secret. Many overweight people are emotional eaters. I know I am. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, sometimes I just eat when I'm bored. It's definitely an issue that I have to work on, and I will be working on probably my whole life. Here's the rub though....filling the stores with clothes that overweight people look terrible in is NOT going to help them. It will likely make them feel fat and depressed, and go home to a comforting bowl of triple chocolate ice cream.
What I find even more frustrating is that I know it's possible to make clothes that are actually flattering. The good ol' US of A has more stores selling plus-size clothes, and as a result there actually appears to be a bit of competition resulting in cheaper, cuter and better quality clothing. Canada is not that far away. While Canada probably has a slightly slimmer population, there are definitely tons (heh...tons) of overweight women searching for decent clothes! Why can't they come here?
Ugh... well there won't be a solution overnight, and the more I think about it, the more I want to eat M&Ms so I guess I should move on. In the meantime I will dream of a day when I can leave my house and buy clothes within a 20 minute drive of my door, while planning a trip to Grand Forks where they actually have stores that love me. Or at least don't hate me. :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
I Heart Faces - People's Choice March
This was such a tough decision this month! I had two days in particular where my camera and I managed to take some great shots of my niece and nephew, but to pick just one was nearly impossible! This shot is of my niece Alexa, taken in early March when she was just over a month old. She's eight weeks today, and even more alert and bright-eyed now.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Bitten by the bug...
Back in February I wrote about having "camera envy" while taking my photo class. I originally planned on waiting a bit, shopping around, and then eventually making my purchase of choice and buying my DSLR camera. Well, that didn't happen. A little less than a week later I took the plunge and purchased my Canon T1i DSLR, as well as a spare lens, and a little while after that I took the plunge on a telephoto lens that was on sale. Of course, my purchase wouldn't have been complete without a gorgeous Kelly Moore camera bag as well! It was a little daunting, I must admit, to receive my Visa bill last week with my purchases on it, but I don't regret it one bit.
I'm getting more used to the idea of taking my camera with me to my sister's place, to my parent's place, and quite honestly, sometimes I'm tempted to carry it with me more often! This is an addictive hobby though. Before I bought my camera I spent all my time searching prices and reviews on cameras, lenses, and camera bags. Now that I have the basic items in my grubby paws, I find I'm reading up on photography styles, techniques and of course looking at other people's gorgeous pictures whenever I have the opportunity! Between I Heart Faces, Two Peas in a Bucket, and other great photography sites the photography bug is getting a firmer and firmer hold on me! I have to remind myself though that I don't need every new toy, program or accessory that I see! I'm sure I will continue to invest in this addictive, but rewarding, hobby, but for now I'm just hoping to expand my skills and snap away!
I'm getting more used to the idea of taking my camera with me to my sister's place, to my parent's place, and quite honestly, sometimes I'm tempted to carry it with me more often! This is an addictive hobby though. Before I bought my camera I spent all my time searching prices and reviews on cameras, lenses, and camera bags. Now that I have the basic items in my grubby paws, I find I'm reading up on photography styles, techniques and of course looking at other people's gorgeous pictures whenever I have the opportunity! Between I Heart Faces, Two Peas in a Bucket, and other great photography sites the photography bug is getting a firmer and firmer hold on me! I have to remind myself though that I don't need every new toy, program or accessory that I see! I'm sure I will continue to invest in this addictive, but rewarding, hobby, but for now I'm just hoping to expand my skills and snap away!
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| A fun shot of Nik I snapped with my telephoto this weekend. |
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I Heart Faces - People's Choice February
This is the first time I've entered a photo submission for I Heart Faces, but far from the first time I've thought about it! Now that I have my Canon Rebel T1i maybe I'll have the guts to enter again! This is a photo of my nephew - 3 years old with more personality than anyone knows what to do with. This photo show how in-your-face he can be, but I think there's also a level of his sweetness that comes through. I also love how you can see the crazy colours in his eyes.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Nice to Meet You Oscar, Let's Be Friends
Apparently the Academy Awards have been airing for an impressive 83 years this year. That's pretty remarkable when you consider that "talking pictures" came out at approximately the same time (or so decrees Wikipedia. Because Wikipedia never lies). I've been watching the Academy Awards or "the Oscars" (apparently nicknamed that sometime in the 30s or 40s) probably for about 10 years or so. When I was younger all I really cared about was the pre-show, where all the actors and actresses paraded out on the red carpet and I could admire all the beautiful (and often weird) dresses that the actresses wore. As the years went on whether I watched it or not depended on other events of the evening, but I would always be interested to read who won in the various categories the next morning and make a note to watch any films that sounded particularly interesting. This year, however, was different.
In the last year, since I've been living on my own, I've found myself watching (and appreciating) more movies. Part of this stems from the fact that when I first got cable I got a free subscription to the "Movie Central" channels, which (in part with my PVR) allowed me nearly unlimited free movies, all fairly new releases. I found myself suddenly able to watch any movie that I had even a passing interest, and not needing to worry about the cost of rentals. The other part of this stems from a sudden freedom I had to go to the movie theater and actually watch movies as they came out. Originally I felt that going to the movie theater on my own would be "weird" or not any fun. When I complained to a fellow single friend that I had no one to go to the movies with she said, quite frankly, "Why do you need to go the movies with someone?" It's true! While going to a movie with someone is definitely an enjoyable experience, being alone has never stopped me from watching television or movies at home, why should it interfere with watching movies in public? My first movie that I went to alone? Toy Story 3. :)
Since then I have seen multiple movies in the theater - both alone or with someone else. In the past year I have seen "Alice in Wonderland", "Inception", "Toy Story 3", "The Fighter" and "The King's Speech." When the Oscar nominations came out a few months ago and all of those movies were nominated for at least one category (the latter four all receiving a nomination for Best Picture), I was suddenly interested in who won and who lost. Would the Academy agree with my choices for Best Actress, Best Actor, and "the big kahuna" Best Picture? By far the movie that I watched this year that affected me the most was "The King's Speech" and I was thrilled when it won Best Picture.
Of course what the Academy decrees over various movies really doesn't matter in the end. What I think I enjoyed most this year was sharing in the love of great movies that is celebrated yearly at the Academy Awards. I'm sure my love of cinema will only continue to grow over the next year, but come February 2012 it will be interesting to see what Oscar has to say about my favorite movies over the past year. Hopefully he will continue to remind me to love the movies that I love despite critical reception, and to keep on supporting Hollywood for making movies that we can all enjoy.
In the last year, since I've been living on my own, I've found myself watching (and appreciating) more movies. Part of this stems from the fact that when I first got cable I got a free subscription to the "Movie Central" channels, which (in part with my PVR) allowed me nearly unlimited free movies, all fairly new releases. I found myself suddenly able to watch any movie that I had even a passing interest, and not needing to worry about the cost of rentals. The other part of this stems from a sudden freedom I had to go to the movie theater and actually watch movies as they came out. Originally I felt that going to the movie theater on my own would be "weird" or not any fun. When I complained to a fellow single friend that I had no one to go to the movies with she said, quite frankly, "Why do you need to go the movies with someone?" It's true! While going to a movie with someone is definitely an enjoyable experience, being alone has never stopped me from watching television or movies at home, why should it interfere with watching movies in public? My first movie that I went to alone? Toy Story 3. :)
Since then I have seen multiple movies in the theater - both alone or with someone else. In the past year I have seen "Alice in Wonderland", "Inception", "Toy Story 3", "The Fighter" and "The King's Speech." When the Oscar nominations came out a few months ago and all of those movies were nominated for at least one category (the latter four all receiving a nomination for Best Picture), I was suddenly interested in who won and who lost. Would the Academy agree with my choices for Best Actress, Best Actor, and "the big kahuna" Best Picture? By far the movie that I watched this year that affected me the most was "The King's Speech" and I was thrilled when it won Best Picture.
Of course what the Academy decrees over various movies really doesn't matter in the end. What I think I enjoyed most this year was sharing in the love of great movies that is celebrated yearly at the Academy Awards. I'm sure my love of cinema will only continue to grow over the next year, but come February 2012 it will be interesting to see what Oscar has to say about my favorite movies over the past year. Hopefully he will continue to remind me to love the movies that I love despite critical reception, and to keep on supporting Hollywood for making movies that we can all enjoy.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
You are My Sunshine(s)...
People talk about how great it is to be a mom. People talk about how great it is to be a grandma. What I've never understood is why there aren't more people talking about how great it is to be an auntie! Particularly a single auntie with a fairly generous budget (both for money and for time). I find as an auntie I get the best of both worlds. I'm young enough and (mostly) in shape enough to run around after the toddler-turned-big boy, yet I'm old enough that I feel confident watching him, and taking him out and about as if he was my own. I've got a car-seat in the back of my own car, yet I have the freedom of knowing that it isn't always filled! I can sleep/eat/read/watch tv/and pee in peace, but I know that nearly any day still has the possibility of being filled with snuggles/hugs/kisses and love-filled smiles. I can spend as much time as I want with the little stinkers and still have the freedom to go home after it all. I was there when both of them were born, and I hope I can watch them grow up and eventually have families of their own. It isn't always wonderful, but they are both bright spots in my life, and for that I will always love them.
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| Alexa |
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| Nikolai |
Monday, February 21, 2011
We're in this Together...
I am a nurse by profession. I did not dream for years of becoming a nurse, in fact, I sort of just fell into it. The original plan was that I was going to enter medical school with the eventual plan to become a pediatrician. Never one to not have a back-up plan, instead of the typical Bachelor of Science in pre-med, I thought it would be a good idea to get my undergrad degree in nursing, a fail safe in case I didn't get into med school right away. Heh. Hello back-up plan.
Sure enough, I entered nursing and found a passion for what they were teaching us. Caring for people day in and day out, being there for them during their darkest and brightest hours, making a viable difference in people's lives? Count me in! It all sounded so amazing. Combine that with the fact that I was quickly beginning to realize that being a doctor was not as fascinating as it looked, and I figured that nursing was for me. During my four years of nursing school everyone who found out I was in nursing school looked at me with stars in their eyes. I was going to do something wonderful. For the first part of nursing school, I believed them. However the more I worked in the hospital the more the real world kicked in and my rose-coloured glasses were soon dark and dusty.
After school and senior practicum I was hired by the rural hospital that would be my home away from home for the next 14 months or so. I was excited to start "real" nursing, but I was shocked to find out how real it truly was. Nursing can be quite a gritty world. My first year of nursing was a "baptism by fire" of sorts where I learned the cold hard facts of understaffed hospitals, overworked nurses, far too sick patients and the dangerous combination of the three. This harsh realization, in combination with working with some world-weary older staff led to a personal crisis of sorts. What the heck was I doing in this world? Why on earth was I a nurse? But by the grace of God, and by the priceless support of my dear friends who were dealing with their own version of this personal crisis I made it through.
After a bit more journeying I have made it to the unit that I now call home. Moms and babies. At least it's mostly happy. The work is very different than what I started out doing, but for the most part I love it. I really do. And I really have to remind myself of that. A lot. I'm beginning to realize just how much nurses have to give of themselves every single day. When I started out I gave, but I didn't keep any of that love and care for myself. I didn't realize that I was allowed to. Now I realize that not only am I allowed to, but it's the only thing that will stop me from going crazy. Now I start with giving to myself. Not in a selfish way, but I'm learning that only by caring for myself can I give care to anybody else.
I worked this weekend. They were both bad days. Probably some of the worst days I've had in a long time. One of those kind of days where multiple nurses found themselves in tears multiple times throughout the day. It's not important why it was bad. I could place blame, point fingers (and frequently did this weekend) but in my heart I know that they were bad days for the same reason anything in this world is bad. Believe it or not, but the devil can sour even the beauty of moms and babies. That son of a bitch. Sunday night, while I eyed the clock desperately hoping that I had gotten everything done and that I could finish my charting and get home at a reasonable hour, a colleague came in the room. She had a much worse day than I had, and I had done everything reasonable that I could to help her. She wanted to thank me for what I had done for her and I brushed it off first with a joke about how I was just glad that MY patients had mostly behaved themselves that day (it hadn't been the case the day before) and said something to the effect that, "Well that's the only reason anybody survives this place, because we help each other out."
In an instant I realized just how true that was. Nursing is a hard, bitter career. It brings the worst and the best out of you. It attracts some of the most impressive women (and men!). People either idealize nurses, or (those who know them slightly better) view them as surprisingly cynical and bitter. Many ask "Why are you even IN that career if it's so bad?" I think this weekend I realized we don't always do it for the patients, we don't always do it for ourselves, but we will always do it for each other! While I sometimes hate my job, with a passion (and really, lets be honest...doesn't everybody hate their job sometimes?), I will always love nursing for providing me with another family of sorts. I have been blessed with some amazing colleagues that, when they are working, I know that no matter how rotten and miserable the day might get, it is already better for the simple fact that I am not going through it alone.
Sure enough, I entered nursing and found a passion for what they were teaching us. Caring for people day in and day out, being there for them during their darkest and brightest hours, making a viable difference in people's lives? Count me in! It all sounded so amazing. Combine that with the fact that I was quickly beginning to realize that being a doctor was not as fascinating as it looked, and I figured that nursing was for me. During my four years of nursing school everyone who found out I was in nursing school looked at me with stars in their eyes. I was going to do something wonderful. For the first part of nursing school, I believed them. However the more I worked in the hospital the more the real world kicked in and my rose-coloured glasses were soon dark and dusty.
After school and senior practicum I was hired by the rural hospital that would be my home away from home for the next 14 months or so. I was excited to start "real" nursing, but I was shocked to find out how real it truly was. Nursing can be quite a gritty world. My first year of nursing was a "baptism by fire" of sorts where I learned the cold hard facts of understaffed hospitals, overworked nurses, far too sick patients and the dangerous combination of the three. This harsh realization, in combination with working with some world-weary older staff led to a personal crisis of sorts. What the heck was I doing in this world? Why on earth was I a nurse? But by the grace of God, and by the priceless support of my dear friends who were dealing with their own version of this personal crisis I made it through.
After a bit more journeying I have made it to the unit that I now call home. Moms and babies. At least it's mostly happy. The work is very different than what I started out doing, but for the most part I love it. I really do. And I really have to remind myself of that. A lot. I'm beginning to realize just how much nurses have to give of themselves every single day. When I started out I gave, but I didn't keep any of that love and care for myself. I didn't realize that I was allowed to. Now I realize that not only am I allowed to, but it's the only thing that will stop me from going crazy. Now I start with giving to myself. Not in a selfish way, but I'm learning that only by caring for myself can I give care to anybody else.
I worked this weekend. They were both bad days. Probably some of the worst days I've had in a long time. One of those kind of days where multiple nurses found themselves in tears multiple times throughout the day. It's not important why it was bad. I could place blame, point fingers (and frequently did this weekend) but in my heart I know that they were bad days for the same reason anything in this world is bad. Believe it or not, but the devil can sour even the beauty of moms and babies. That son of a bitch. Sunday night, while I eyed the clock desperately hoping that I had gotten everything done and that I could finish my charting and get home at a reasonable hour, a colleague came in the room. She had a much worse day than I had, and I had done everything reasonable that I could to help her. She wanted to thank me for what I had done for her and I brushed it off first with a joke about how I was just glad that MY patients had mostly behaved themselves that day (it hadn't been the case the day before) and said something to the effect that, "Well that's the only reason anybody survives this place, because we help each other out."
In an instant I realized just how true that was. Nursing is a hard, bitter career. It brings the worst and the best out of you. It attracts some of the most impressive women (and men!). People either idealize nurses, or (those who know them slightly better) view them as surprisingly cynical and bitter. Many ask "Why are you even IN that career if it's so bad?" I think this weekend I realized we don't always do it for the patients, we don't always do it for ourselves, but we will always do it for each other! While I sometimes hate my job, with a passion (and really, lets be honest...doesn't everybody hate their job sometimes?), I will always love nursing for providing me with another family of sorts. I have been blessed with some amazing colleagues that, when they are working, I know that no matter how rotten and miserable the day might get, it is already better for the simple fact that I am not going through it alone.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Camera Envy
Alrighty, so I know I said in an earlier post that I've been trying to focus on what I have in my life, as opposed to being envious of what everyone else has, but it's been tough. Back in the beginning of January I started a photography course to increase my knowledge for my growing love and fascination with photography. The course "strongly recommends" having an SLR or DSLR camera to take the course with, but never one to role with the trends I decided that my trusty PowerShot would do the trick. That was a bit of mistake. My PowerShot, while being a fabulous camera for it's price, and doing a heckuva lot more than your average point-and-shoot, is still no DSLR. I've learned the hard way that ignorance is bliss. I used to be well aware that my camera did not always take the nicest pictures, but in my ignorant state of mind I could blissfully blame the lousy pictures on my lack of knowledge on the intricacies of my camera. Unfortunately now that my knowledge of the workings of my camera have much improved, I have learned the limits of my camera and have begun drooling over the DSLRs.
In theory this shouldn't be a problem. As a single girl who makes a decent living I have a relatively disposable income and could probably afford many of the cameras out there. Of course being of a Dutch/Ukrainian/Winnipeg/insert any other applicable stereotype here background, it's not nearly as simple as that. I have to compare all the options, features, gizmos and doodads and figure out which I want, need and are willing to pay for. That inevitably leads me to the cheapest option, and while that appeals to my cheap side, I also have a warring "love for expensive things" side which makes me long for cameras much more expensive then anything I need. But you know, I'm a girl. If Canon sold a Rebel that was pink and completely encased in diamonds, I would want that. I would hate myself for wanting it, but I would still want it. I've already decided that I'm going to buy a DSLR, but only time will tell which one will make it into my grubby little hands. In the mean time I can only continue taking pictures!
In theory this shouldn't be a problem. As a single girl who makes a decent living I have a relatively disposable income and could probably afford many of the cameras out there. Of course being of a Dutch/Ukrainian/Winnipeg/insert any other applicable stereotype here background, it's not nearly as simple as that. I have to compare all the options, features, gizmos and doodads and figure out which I want, need and are willing to pay for. That inevitably leads me to the cheapest option, and while that appeals to my cheap side, I also have a warring "love for expensive things" side which makes me long for cameras much more expensive then anything I need. But you know, I'm a girl. If Canon sold a Rebel that was pink and completely encased in diamonds, I would want that. I would hate myself for wanting it, but I would still want it. I've already decided that I'm going to buy a DSLR, but only time will tell which one will make it into my grubby little hands. In the mean time I can only continue taking pictures!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Talk British to me....
In the last couple of years I have developed a new fascination, or obsession if you will. The British people. I blame it on my brother. Quite innocently he introduced me to a new (and yet very old) show called Doctor Who. A classic show in Britain, Doctor Who is much beloved by geeks in North America, and has quickly grown in popularity over the last few years. I believe Darryl introduced it to me sometime in 2005, when the "new Who" as it has been called, started airing. We, of course, watched it on probably illegal downloads, but we loved it nonetheless. What Darryl didn't realize of course, was that by innocently introducing me to Doctor Who, he would be spawning a bit of an obsession of mine, particularly when in 2006 David Tennant, my Scottish hero, would take on the role of Doctor Who. Never underestimate the female mind when adorable Scotsmen are in play.
The
I suppose, in a way, it shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, I grew up with Coronation Street playing on our television set. The one TV vice my mother allowed herself was British, so why shouldn't one of mine be the same? Who knows, if Coronation Street contained a good looking male lead when my mother grew up watching the show, and if she had the terrible, but amazing powers of the Internet, maybe she would have found herself in a similar predicament!
I'm sure one day I will mature past the stage of silly obsessions. Or perhaps when I eventually travel to England I will find that it's NOT the magical land of my dreams (I hear real British people are actually quite unfortunate looking, with bad teeth). However in the mean time I shall continue swooning whenever I hear an English or Scottish accent, and giggling like a little school girl when David Tennant appears on TV.
The
I suppose, in a way, it shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, I grew up with Coronation Street playing on our television set. The one TV vice my mother allowed herself was British, so why shouldn't one of mine be the same? Who knows, if Coronation Street contained a good looking male lead when my mother grew up watching the show, and if she had the terrible, but amazing powers of the Internet, maybe she would have found herself in a similar predicament!
I'm sure one day I will mature past the stage of silly obsessions. Or perhaps when I eventually travel to England I will find that it's NOT the magical land of my dreams (I hear real British people are actually quite unfortunate looking, with bad teeth). However in the mean time I shall continue swooning whenever I hear an English or Scottish accent, and giggling like a little school girl when David Tennant appears on TV.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Choose Your Own Adventure
Do you remember the classic "Choose Your Own Adventure" books from when we were kids? I remember going through a phase of reading them over and over again when I was in elementary school (of course, that may also be related to the fact that our school had a pretty sad collection of books when I was in elementary school, so it was "Anne of Green Gables", Janette Oke books or "Choose Your Own Adventure") (Of course I may be most definitely am exaggerating, but still).
Anyways, my point, I'm sure I was going to make one..... RIGHT! Choose Your Own Adventure (CYOA from now on, cuz wow, that's kinda long to type) -- I just can't help but wonder what life would be like if it was a little more like a CYOA book. I mean, yes, we make choices about our life, but don't you ever wonder what your life would be like if a few major decisions were done differently?
Don't get me wrong, overall I'm fairly happy with where I've ended up. But as I watch friends from high school get married, have their first kid and then their second, and as I watch guys and girls a few years younger than me (who I can't help but still think about as "kids") get married and start their lives together, I can't help but be curious about what my life would be like if I was married and had a kid or two. Especially if I knew that a few pages away was the life I was living today. I just wonder, if we had that ability to see our lives at different stages, and the results of different decisions, if we would be happier with what we have?
Of course, it is a good thing that my life is NOT a CYOA book because I seem to recall always picking the options that I thought would be more exciting, and then ending the story WAY before I was ready for it to be over, forcing me to go back and pick a less exciting option, allowing the story to continue. I think I'll leave the choices to the Big Guy and watch my own story unfold.
Anyways, my point, I'm sure I was going to make one..... RIGHT! Choose Your Own Adventure (CYOA from now on, cuz wow, that's kinda long to type) -- I just can't help but wonder what life would be like if it was a little more like a CYOA book. I mean, yes, we make choices about our life, but don't you ever wonder what your life would be like if a few major decisions were done differently?
Don't get me wrong, overall I'm fairly happy with where I've ended up. But as I watch friends from high school get married, have their first kid and then their second, and as I watch guys and girls a few years younger than me (who I can't help but still think about as "kids") get married and start their lives together, I can't help but be curious about what my life would be like if I was married and had a kid or two. Especially if I knew that a few pages away was the life I was living today. I just wonder, if we had that ability to see our lives at different stages, and the results of different decisions, if we would be happier with what we have?
Of course, it is a good thing that my life is NOT a CYOA book because I seem to recall always picking the options that I thought would be more exciting, and then ending the story WAY before I was ready for it to be over, forcing me to go back and pick a less exciting option, allowing the story to continue. I think I'll leave the choices to the Big Guy and watch my own story unfold.
Friday, January 28, 2011
My New Blog
Welcome to my new blog! I can't quite believe that I'm actually STARTING a new blog, but I'm hoping that this will give me a place to share my thoughts on the world without spamming up everybody's Facebook pages with my frequent status updates. It should also give me an outlet to rant, comment or celebrate the world around me, which should cut down significantly the number of shower conversations I have with myself. I haven't quite decided what will all appear on this blog, but it should be an interesting sight to see.
When I mentioned on Facebook a few weeks ago that I was thinking of starting a blog, I hit a roadblock. The first step in starting a blog is picking a name, and a URL address. It is amazing how many blogs exist already with the countless unimaginative names that I dreamed up. So, waiting for inspiration, I continued living my life, blog-free. It wasn't until a snowy afternoon (this snowy afternoon, to be precise), that a dear Doctor friend of mine said something that struck my interest.
When I mentioned on Facebook a few weeks ago that I was thinking of starting a blog, I hit a roadblock. The first step in starting a blog is picking a name, and a URL address. It is amazing how many blogs exist already with the countless unimaginative names that I dreamed up. So, waiting for inspiration, I continued living my life, blog-free. It wasn't until a snowy afternoon (this snowy afternoon, to be precise), that a dear Doctor friend of mine said something that struck my interest.
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant."Yes, granted this is from a fictional character, but I think it is a meaningful statement nonetheless. It also fits quite nicely with my recent pact with myself to focus more on the "haves" in my life versus the "have-nots," and really, isn't that something we can all benefit from?
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