Tuesday, October 18, 2011


The past couple of days I have been a lot of things. I have been tired, bored, uninspired, inspired. I have had a few very typical, ordinary days. I have also been happy. A real deep, life-can't-get-me-down kind of happiness. There was a time where this would not have been surprising for me, but the past few months I've been dealing with a depression of sorts, a frustration with things in my life. For some reason I have now come through the other side.
Nothing has really changed, except for my attitude, and it's amazing the difference that can make. Like I said when I started this blog, I want to focus on the good things in my life, the haves, versus the have-nots. What with Thanksgiving having occurred recently I thought I would make a list of things I was thankful for, things that make me happy here and now so that I can have a record of those things to reflect on should life start getting me down again. Here goes.

1. Faith Recent world events, conversations I've had and simple observations I've made about the world around me have made me so grateful to have the gift of faith. I know in my heart that I have a loving Father who is working all things together for my good, and the older I get, the more I experience, the more I realize just how precious and wonderful that is. I also know that despite the fact that I am *far* from perfect, He loves me anyways. That's pretty awesome.

2. Family I have two parents that love me, and three siblings that love me. Seeing what I see in healthcare, I know that that alone is an amazing gift. What's even better is that I love them back. The past few years have allowed me to develop strong, meaningful relationships with all of my siblings. I consider all three of them my friends and for that I will always be grateful. I have also reached that all important age where I have gotten beyond the simple parent/child relationship with my parents and connect more with them then I ever have before. Of course moving out a couple of years ago helped that a bit. ;)

3. Friends Over the years I have collected some wonderful friends. I have the tried and true best friend. The one who sticks with you no matter how many fights or misunderstandings you may have had over the years. The one who you always know, if you needed her, *really* needed her, she would be there. I've got the high school friends. The ones that you connect with, fall away from, and reconnect with over the years. The ones that you will always be able to say "remember when?" and you are sure to be able to reminisce with for awhile. I've got the university friends. The ones where you count the years you've known them on your fingers and go, surely I've known them longer then that! It feels like you have been close for a lifetime....and that's a really good thing. There are countless others too....the "Facebook" friends. People you know from church, from various workplaces throughout the years, even friendships formed on whirlwind trips through Europe!! You may not speak daily, weekly or even monthly, but they are out there, and they care about you in some way, and that's enough.

4. My Job This one is a bit of a surprise even to me, since this is also the cause of much of my stress! Despite that, no matter how many ulcers nursing gives me, it is still the career I've chosen and there is a reason for that. No matter how many days I have where I just want to leave that hospital and never come back, there is always something that pulls me out of the darkest hole I may get into. A patient, a family member of a patient or a co-worker, someone who reminds me that there are still parts of this job that I love. Even the stress I have had from this job has been a good thing as it has made me realize that I am not my job. I could walk away from nursing any day that I like and something about that is really comforting. I will be surprised if I ever reach the 20 or 30 year mark in my nursing career. I really don't think that's going to happen, but the really good thing is that I have finally realized that that is okay!!

5. Myself I don't know if that's the best way to put it, but I have become more and more thankful (and happy with) who I am. My obsession with TV shows, my admitted Internet addiction, my hobbies (particularly a still-growing interest in photography!), my quirky personality traits, my phobias, even my wants and desires. My good, my bad and my ugly. I am starting to see and understand the various things that make me me. I still have a lot further to go with this of course, but come on, this is the stuff people pay therapists thousands of dollars to understand! As a female (particularly as a teenager) i think we are often tempted to conform, to fit into someone's predetermined box or idea of what we should be, but I'm starting to realize that it is far more important to understand who you are, and who God made you to be. Every day I'm getting a little closer. :)

I could probably list a lot more things then this, and make this post a lot longer then it is, but I won't. It's just nice to see some of these thoughts in writing. Even though there are many things that I still long and hope for, this serves as a reminder that the here and now is actually pretty great when I really look at things so there is really no reason not to expect that the future will also be pretty awesome. God provides. :)


  1. A few tears here. Glad that you could have this to write. I hope your life continues to pile up with good things. Your spirit and light are stronger than you believe.

  2. Hi Pamela
    Just read your blog entry and it touched me...all of it. I just wanted to add a word of encouragement. The last 3 1/2 months of my Dad's life were spent in hospital and though I was working in Coaldale at the time, I was able to spend 2 weeks mostly at his hosp. bedside. In many ways I feel blessed to have been the one to be there through the nights. In those quiet hours we could share a lot (even though he was not able to respond verbally). After I moved back here my Mom fell and broke her hip, so we spent more time in hospital. Subsequent to that, she was found to have a rare form of cancer that first entailed going to London for a month of daily radiation treatments and then the operation in Toronto.During all of this the whole family could experience the blessing of empathy and professional caring of so many of the nurses...Please don't ever think that your presence goes unnoticed or unappreciated. It is a stressful time for the families and I know the nurses bear the brunt of that. Compounded with what is going on in your own lives outside of that one hospital room, I imagine that it can be very difficult to face going in for a shift where you know you will be faced with hosp. politics, sheer busyness and suffering and often demanding patients and their families.
    Pamela, please realize how blessedly comforting it is to have a smiling, professional nurse come by who takes care of what is needed and shares some soothing words. And, Pamela,your smile has always lit up a room! May God bless you and continue to make you a blessing in all those lives you touch.


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